It's the final countdown

Rojak feelings at its most "flavourful" stage.
The struggle is so so real!!
So this is how it feels to leave a workplace after 6 years..
Yes yes, I'm trying to comprehend this situation...
It's weird how I have more ownership than the other people there though I'm at the final countdown.
An odd situation indeed.
Is it already time for me to say I've done my part, it's enough?
Will anyone come and pat me on the back and say any words of encouragement?
Hmmm.. highly unlikely.
Really seems like I'm gonna leave by the "back door"..
since there's no announcement to the parents at all till now..
At least I hope that the impact of my departure  will be felt after I leave?..
I hope.
Then again,
I just really hope that all my years of effort have impacted young lives.
May it not be deprecated..
Well, I know God knows how I feel.
Trust in the Lord, Xin Pei!

18.18% catchup

We had a nice catchup today! Do you think it'll be possible to have a full strength gathering? :) let's work towards a 10 year anniversary gathering! ;)

Wedding dinner ♡

Attending my probably future superior's wedding!
I'm a little lonely here, all by myself..
And I realised today is singles' day?!
Hahaha.. anw I'll brace myself! :)
In times like these I hope somebody can keep messaging me and give me a reason to stare at my phone..
Hehe.. :)

Ups and downs

How did my week go?
Hmm.. let me try to recall..

Sunday wasn't too good because I was caught in a situation I will rather not be in and the talk (with ling and xue and xin hui on the last friday) just unfolded in front of me. Overflow of feelings of being unappreciated and also feelings of intense unhappiness on huiqi's behalf. Sometimes I really don't understand older people. Younger people and the youngest people are truly much nicer! Can't people in general be more appreciative and less critical? Please?

I entered Monday knowing the blue-ness it'll bring and that it'll be Megan's last day..
Bought her a gift tgt with my sister on Sat and passed it to her, glad she liked it and insisted on opening the present that was wrapped up during class time hehe.. Megan is the one who reminded me "'o' is for obey and we are to obey God." Guess she will always have a special place in my heart in that way :) the other teachers say that they didn't manage to get Megan anything cause of all the pressure (at work) they are facing (which is so sad) but I guess maybe they just didn't get to spend as much time as I had with Megan.. anw, now that I'm leaving the workplace, I think with "another withdrawal" I'll like to see it as God telling me, it's okay, let go...

Monday was good because the k1 children were all relatively well behaved at their flower cake pot making workshop. I have my reservation on how the workshop was but I shall just comment on the children who were good and that they managed to show their kindness to each other in the process. :)

So, Tuesday was the sudden deadline (we were told the Friday before) given to us to finish our progress reports and other docs by that day and the teachers worked hard (well of course at varying levels) to ensure it was done. I was so unhappy that day because the boss commented on my (and our) work in a super harsh and uncalled for manner and I took offense at a personal level. Let's scrape the details, but basically she made me want to question her: (1) are you against me now that I'm leaving or is it (2) you have not been looking at my work closely in the past 6 years (of 12 rounds of progress reports) such that you are only picking on my "errors" now? You kind of get a feeling of what's going on?

Also I guess I was very emotionally affected because I had a 3000 word assignment due on Thurs noon which I haven't started on all because I was trying to clear my work work. On top of that, in that period my supervisor pretty much ignored all her responsibilities at work so as to vet our work before the boss' vetting and I had to cover for her. She ranted about how my colleague's work wasn't good enough and how she hates her for it, etc, all out loud. I mean you can't blame my colleague for her language ability isn't it. Plus, it's your job to vet, so why complain and out loud? I did the vetting too, when there was no supervisor, and it was not just the English language but Chinese too. I had to take care of my own parts to write which I managed to do (and you left yours aside) and I had a N1 class to look after which no one helped me with. So, why complain?

Hence I went back after a very bad day and my sister had her share of bad-ness in the day too. Glad she shared with me an analogy on perspectives which gave me insight but applying it was.... nearly impossible.. tried to calm myself to get started on the assignment that night and as you can alr guess, I wasn't quite successful.

I entered Wednesday knowing that I have to keep a high morale throughout the day for probably that night, I won't have to sleep. It was an okay day, with children requesting me to play the parachute with them, etc. I couldn't bear to turn them down due to my "adult" problems and being in my last phase at work; but that certainly added to my weariness..

So Thursday came with me so aware of each and every single minute as I worked on the computer. I finally submitted my assignment at 8am and I was under the word count for the first time in my life. But I gave in to that, for I was exhausted. I took a deep breath and prepared for work and gathered all my academic records in preparation for an interview later that day. It was a tough morning because my supposedly free-er day was spent "covering" others and on more unnecessary editing of the progress reports and completing of other "for show" documents. I was on a half day leave but I left so much later and rushed for the interview.

Glad the interview was by an old colleague of mine and it was like a catchup session. She was also most understanding of my exhaustion and she shared with me about her centre and probably my future workplace so sincerely. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that in this period of my life...

Friday was chaos with concert review and all other matters but I'm glad it ended on a good note with catchup with shu jie and meiyen. Wow we've grown much older but we don't feel very different from the past.. I just wonder how much have I matured (in my mindset and also in my spiritual walk) over the years? Or have I spent all this while remaining stagnant?!

It was a great session with my JC friends but one thing just couldn't be off my mind- the PTC the next day...

It was a last minute arrangement specially for the N2 class because their form teacher will be overseas the next PTC session (3 weeks later) and the boss wanted to be around for the session (she'll be overseas the next two weeks so we can't have sessions then). Not very professional right? See how things are not planned properly? Well, things are trending this way recently for a while already..

So it is Sat and I crawled out of bed- very tired. Thankful that daddy offered to send me to work ♡ I had to reach at 7.30am because the first session of PTC was to start at 7.45am. Odd timing don't you think? And would you like to guess the reason why?

Anw, I'm thankful because (I don't know if it was just me but) I feel that I'm the first teacher almost all the parents looked at upon reaching the centre (and I would like to think it's because of our relationship over the years) and there's this closeness between us which felt so nice. But then again, it's gonna be the last PTC.. N2 is not my form class but I teach them math and in the limited "commenting time" I had, the parents really listened to me and it was such a thankful and lovely moment for me. Another wonderful thing about PTC is that I get to see how parents (as in between the husband and wife) interact. It's always awesome to see things such as how husbands are so respectful and in awe of their wives that shows me a glimpse of how a loving family is like. Really really nice. I would aspire to build a family like that too! :)

PTC ended (finally) at about 3pm and it's time for home and time to prepare for sun school. Really dislike it when I only have such a limited time for preparation and when all the "time slots" that I have are packed maximally.. but anyway, the next "agenda" was family gathering which we had a nice time making rojak. I discovered and witnessed for a first time my dad's rojak making (mixing) skills which was such a pleasant "discovery". I always knew he's rojak kia (because my grandfather used to sell rojak) but I never knew how good my dad was. It's always good to "find out" such things :)

And it's Sunday! Sun school followed by service followed by meeting and some "time to myself" (though I felt obliged to make a hair treatment appt). But anyway.. it was good to have some time to compose this post.

Today I'm also thankful to be able to have lunch and chit chat a little with the YMers. Thank you all for "entertaining" me on my sometimes-pretty-ridiculous-comments! It really meant so much to be verbally invited to kendrick's ord and feel all your love through the "attention" you all gave me. Yes it's at time point in my life that I really think I need to feel loved. I'm not sure if you understand such a feeling but I'll still say it. Yes I know my One True Love is from above but I guess a few "physical persons" demonstrating God's love to me is great too!

Thank you God for allowing me time to compose this. I think I really need it. Next up>> LOTS of marking for the night before moving on to Monday and the rest of the week.

Jia you, Xin Pei!

Can you guess where I am?