Wednesday 9 December 2015

Monday 2 November 2015

Quick photo update :)

Hello whoever may be reading this,
I am too busy recently to type a proper reflective update.. :/
But here's a brief one!
Here it goes!

20 Oct 2015
Class Photography
Weird day when early in the morning boss informed me that she made arrangements for her photo to be superimposed cause she has her daughter's award ceremony to attend. Thought she was supposed to set aside her time for this session which i arranged for her so long ago.. Once again i questioned the priority she gives to centre matters... it is tough.

23 October 2015
Met up with this super sister in Christ. Amazing young lady she is! Loved and understood by the Father. A precious gem to the people around her. :) Awesome night spent catching up and sharing. She made my day <3

In this period I'm struggling more and more with my K1 class. They are out of hand.. but I couldn't have invested more time to spend/ work with them on their behavior. Expectation and reality mismatch resulting in a disheartened soul. But I still try my best, I breathe in and out and I press on! I need to draw upon His strength!

Meanwhile in the N1 class, everyone is getting really comfortable in the class setting. A little too comfortable that they are starting to be rowdy! And everyone loves Captain America (see the star above) and superheros! This means slightly "violent" children but I am the only one disciplining them! My asst teacher... is another challenge i am facing/ working on myself right now. SOS!!

30 October 2015
Intensively preparing for our EOY concert at lfl! But i made some time to help out at my aunt's concert too! Their "holding area" for the children is gigantic and so well organised!! Will we have that? Hmmm.. I could only wish.

OH YES! I ALSO WENT FOR MY UNIVERSITY INTERVIEW TODAY!
Am I successfully selected to start the course?
Results will be out in mid nov and we'll be notified by email!

31 October 2015
The visit of Isabelle and mummy and daddy!
The highlight of the week ;")

Love her cheeks! This dainty lady is so adorable!

SO CUTTTEEE RIGHT!! #CUTESTBABY

Yay! A photo with Isabelle looking at the camera! :)

1 November 2015
Reminder day & Accomplished day
Reminder day because, in JC's class today, we were reminded of grace and a simple illustration strongly reminded me that i've got to go share the grace i've received man~ :)
Accomplished day because....
I CLOSED ACCT FOR YM! YAY!
I FINISHED VETTING ALL THE PROGRESS REPORT PHOTOS BY ALL THE TEACHERS WITH ONLY 1 MORE CLASS TO GO!!!
ALL THE ENGLISH AND CHINESE ONES SOME MORE!
DONT KNOW WHY BOTH ARE MY BUSINESS!
MAYBE我的生意做得比较大?!

I've been wanting to talk to my boss about my workload.
But to put it simply, it's really really really tough.
Hence the problem continues...

GO XIN PEI! 336 more days to ORD!

Sunday 27 September 2015

update time!

hello everyone! actually i don't even know if there's anyone reading this.. anw, i shall be updating a lot since i haven't posted anything in >a month! :)

IT HAS BEEN TOUGH AT WORK, very very tough.
Of tirelessly holding on to the fort, of numerous things to liaise, of scheduling, of having weird "responsibilities" being added unto you (and not phrased as a favour for you to help with)... Of not feeling appreciated, of being helpless, of being exhausted..... MY VERDICT: GOD HAS BEEN REALLY GRACIOUS.

I kept believing my boss is going to return to SG at a certain date and it just keeps getting pushed back (even right before I typed this). I was even told that she would not be announcing her return to the parents because the centre should be function-able without her. I don't know where is the accountability, I don't know where is the ownership. I don't know how many times I have been frustrated, disappointed.. BUT I KNOW, I HAVE BEEN SUSTAINED THUS FAR BY SOMEONE POWERFUL.

Let me bring you through what has happened from end Aug till now :)

So, 29 Aug was a good day when we caught a movie together :) awesome company!

Spontaneous gathering are great! :)

Fast forward to 5 Sept- Ps Raymond's wedding in the morning <3

Followed by Xin Hui's surprise farewell in the afternoon with the ever awesome and most thoughful company once again~!
It was a really heart-warming gathering. We had awesome food, had the most nonsensical conversations, played the simplest games. But it was such a great feeling to have each other!

Thank you guys for affirming through the game that...
If I were a boss, you will like to work under me. (I can't tell you how much of an encouragement is this to me right now!)
If you want to buy something expensive (or something along this line), you would like to buy it for me. (thank you for pampering me in this season of my life <3)
If you would like to bring someone out for a nice and atas meal (or something like this sorry it has been a while), you will take me along with you. (way to sweet, guys! thank you!! really needed it!)

And then fast forward to the day Xin Hui flew to Leeds~

And she embarked on her vacation with God and finally reached her hostel safely by God's grace!

Then it was 19th Sept where we just gathered for badminton thoughtfully planned by Ling. It didnt have to be competitive or aggressive. All was done in love. And it was a lovely session :) 

And it was time to say goodbye to my 知己 at the workplace. Sending her off with best wishes but knowing that things are going to be so different and I'm gonna be quite alone.. (22 Sept)

23 Sept: MYLC Reunion! Many more people to full house but I'm thankful for the message that day that God desires to see us grow in love and He has given us each other to journey together in this faith :)

25 Sept: The HAZY day which MOE schools were closed but a little one reminded me about an important lesson on persevering and never giving up. Piece by piece, we'll fix things. And don't ever look down on yourself that you are young, you can accomplish much more than what you think you can!

26 Sept: Church mid autumn event followed by big children playing with fire together. HEHE.. Yet another awesome evening spent with awesome company :')
Not forgetting our intention to gather was also to surprise someone sweet :)

27 Sept: Today we celebrated our church's anniversary and we served as ushers together! :) Can't be more thankful for these girls who responded with willing and loving hearts despite the short notice. SO THANKFUL for them! :D

Tomorrow, as I return to the battle ground, may I go forth with the full amour of God and fight a good fight for Him!

"In every victory, let it be said of me,
My SOURCE of strength, my SOURCE of hope,
is CHRIST alone!"

Tuesday 18 August 2015

be thankful

Today I'm thankful for comfort food :) thankful that mummy is working the morning shift this week and she can cook dinner for the family.

This period has been kind of crazy and I haven't had time to sit down to consolidate the things I'm going through. I thought I might just breakdown anytime but God has been so gracious to have arranged some long weekends for me to rest. In this period I've also procrastinated quite a bit for the to-do list is just too overwhelming and I've accumulated some work.

But God is really merciful, He has just given me another breather (again) and this time to clear my piled up work although I've new responsibilities in this hfmd cycle. Yes, it's hfmd! No superior around so I'm coordinating and liasing almost everything but there are less children coming in. So I can do some of my accumulated marking (though paperwork & admin is crazy for hfmd) cause less children!

Do not limit God's work. God is the soveriegn One who decides which children are coming in today/ leaving earlier/ going holiday/ not coming/ kept home due to hfmd outbreak/ etc. He knows my thoughts and emotions which I cannot verbalise.

I'm not saying that hfmd is good. It's definitely not and I pray that the affected children get well soon. But I've been reminded that whatever happens are in the hands of the One above, not me. I can't explain it properly but I'm sure you who are reading this can understand, right?

Actually.. today while I was working on all the things that I have to do.. someone who added the work upon me dropped a msg to say "actually this is very good exposure for you." I really don't understand how can this person say it or what is going through her mind when she said it.. but today I wanna choose to be thankful. Because of the lesser number of children, I can clear some piled up work. Because I can go home to comfort food prepared with love. Because He lives I can face tomorrow. Because of Him I can face the "political" complications happening cause I'm not in this alone but together with Him.

Would anyone also pray with me if it's time for me to study next year? Just went unisim open house last sat. Went for the talk on course: Bachelor of Early Childhood Education with minor in something (there are a few to choose from I'll elaborate later). It's the only local ece degree! I'm looking at the part time course (yes, again). It's highly subsided by the govt for Singaporeans for up to 55% which makes it affordable and it is like the perfect match to what I want.

but... qn is: is it what God wants for me in this season of my life?

the minors (if you would like to continue hearing the story you can read on) are also so so appealing!! I can choose to minor in...

Management- something that will help me to progress towards opening up my own centre! And just minoring in this means that I still pursue early childhood studies and not just the leadership aspect of being in this line! (And that's why I didn't study early childhood leadership course like some of my friends did this year)

Psychology- something that I've been so keen to take but my results then wasn't good enough for me to enter the course.. now does this mean I can pursue my interest and further study in my field of work?

Chinese language- this is almost exactly compatible to my work now (since I'm in charge of the chinese curriculum) and it will make be a more effectively billingual teacher! But THE POINT IS of the modules I have to take, there are mods on translation!! English to Chinese and Chinese to English translation!! Which means this is going to aid my service in church to the One above!

amazing isn't it. The options that I have.. there are more, minors which I don't qualify to apply or sociology which I'm quite sure I won't choose.. these combinations itself already once again give me a glimpse to how perfect God's plan is. But I don't know what would God like for me. Not my will, but Yours, Lord. Would you join me in prayer?

Monday 10 August 2015

when I needed it..

Before I go and zzzz...

I just wanna say something.

it isn't happy birthday sg. Hehe..

it is: thank you God for sending angels to my life!!!!!!

I've still got a hundred things to do. But encouragements and love from Above sent via angels is just wayyy to sweet!! ^^

there are 2 gifts that I received from a few angels recently! One today, and another abt 10 days back. I told the first sender I'll only open the gift on a gloomy day but today I did. Thank you for your sweetest thought and gift aq!! Love it!! :) The gift received tdy, is from the birthday girl and her sibling. I keep receiving presents from the birthday persons. I'm wayyy too blessed!! Thank you ma angels! You've just delivered really encouraging verses and note to me through your lovely gesture.

thank you God for these 3 people!! ♡

Tuesday 4 August 2015

bang bang pheww pheww pheww

You know the feeling of asking someone something and it's shot back to you? And right away a whole lot of hassle is thrown right at you?

Rarrrrr!!

It has been a month since my colleague who was acting as supervisor left. So fast.. it was a sudden realisation today cause there was some admin matter I had (was obliged) to do now that a month has passed. Amazing! Amazing grace has brought me beyond a month!

I'm a month closer to ORD!

I'm coping with something which I'm not ready to share as of now. But the thing is.. it's bothering me so so much! And my phone's "memory keyboard" is totally not helping. If you dont know what I mean it's ok! Let me just note this point here. I need to let go of all expectations! Don't be silly!!

Why am I in charge of the party on Thursday? :( totally not looking forward to it. I just led the hari raya one! I never enjoyed leading the whole big group of 50+ children all at once. Because I don't think I manage the children well. But now, it's better that I lead actually. It's much more orderly. Ironic right? But, the challenge of stepping out of my comfort zone remains real. And I have a threshold for taking the lead all the time too.. understand what I mean?

Thursday 30 July 2015

awful day @ work

You know the feeling of walking out of a place feeling bad? It's like you have given your best but it's not well done. Not even medium rare haha. Anw. It's not just abt me, I can't do it alone. It's a team's work together but no one else is supporting. Stress is intense. But Grace is sufficient. Hang in there Xin Pei!!

Wednesday 29 July 2015

郁闷

Upset with myself. :( Hh says don't have any expectations. Maybe that will help.

Tuesday 28 July 2015

no excuses

let it go! clear your mind!! set your eyes on the eternity!! yess!! do it!!!

Sunday 26 July 2015

silly me

So why were you so anxious?
Your fear is so tiny in the Almighty's eyes!
Thank You God for today!
It was a gr8t day!

Reminded of this verse today:
He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” (Matt 8:26-27)

on a random note, my parents are going on a holiday "by themselves" on tues! It's so cute how they are 浩浩荡荡ly packing (^.^) bye and good night!

Saturday 25 July 2015

dates clash!

How? :/ I must learn to associate the day and date tgt! :( Shall I forgo a meetup or change the appt? Sighh. Need to meet some people real soon too! I've "procrastinated" wayy tooo long!! We're coming Little Prince cafe!

Thursday 23 July 2015

by God's grace I'm still sane

The following is what I sent to my-colleague-to-be who will join us on 3 Aug.

Behold the confusion below!!
It's quite unbelievable that I'm actually done with all the planning and allocation!!
It's only till 18 Aug but it's alright! it's enough for now!

All the planning, it's only completed by God's grace! It's gotta be Him, seriously.

"Hello A,

I've finally worked out the staff working hrs and timetable. Just like to inform you..

->Mrs T will be away from 26/7- 18/8.

In this period,

->Z will be away from 4/8- 14/8. (She takes k1 and k2 chinese)

->R's (taking n2 eng & math) last day will be on 6/8.

->C's (she takes k1 math, k2 eng & math) last day will be on 14/8.

So, I've scheduled you to stand in for them in the meantime, ok? So in short, from especially between 11/8 and 18/8, your schedule will be very packed (as in you'll be taking classes, won't have free period) and not have much time for concert, ok? So sorry about that!

After Mrs T comes back, I foresee you should only be standing in for n2 eng & math till 1 Sept. But we'll see again!

Just to give you a heads up! Thanks so much! Have a restful night! :)

-Xin Pei"

thank you Lord for bringing back this colleague that I've worked with previously for a short period of time for some form of comfort. Thank you Lord!

side track!! This year for our year end concert item, I've chosen the song 《This Little Light of Mine》 for the littlest cuties! I pray that I too, will let my little light shine everyday in every way to point others to Christ! Add oil! That's the anointing oil from above which I'm referring to! :D

Monday 13 July 2015

youth sunday 2015


Today's a day to give thanks for!
Thanks be to God for leading us through preparing for this special Sunday which the youths can step up and serve the church.
Well, the planning was predominantly lead by 2 ladies actually.
This Sunday didn't come easy but thank God for His grace that brought us through!

It was a blessing to be able to serve in a different role with the most reassuring and encouraging speaker who was also challenged by God greatly.
You know what he said: "I am enjoying the sustenance of God each day."
This is such a unique viewpoint!
Thank God for such a wonderful serving experience.

We didn't get to take a picture of everyone today which was a little regretful.
Otherwise.. everything else was great!

This Youth Sunday is different from the previous years.
May the Lord continue to have mercy on us and reveal to us His direction and plan for the ministry in the days to come!

Thursday 9 July 2015

drama in my life

I anticipated the period between 26 June to be a trying period.. But not to this extent.
Let me try to explain the situation..
Prior knowledge first!

There are supposed to be 6 tchs (3 eng and 3 chinese) at the centre excluding the boss to function comfortably. 1 supervisor (eng tch) left since the start of the year, and another chinese tch converted to do a (second) half day daily. So that leaves 4.5. To replace the first, a teacher undergoing training was found. But she is on course 95% of the weekdays. I have no idea why she employed. So as her stand in, an untrained tch was found. She is having her uni hols and she comes in on an adhoc basis. So one of the poor classes is compromised to the greatest extent. And that gives us a really unstable 5.5 staff of which 4 are trained.

part of what I am trying to say is, the mess has been since the start of the year (<- this is an understatement. it was clearly from last Aug that we have not been stable) and we have been "expected to be understanding". with n no. of teachers coming in and out, working for 1 day/week/month and then leaving; all the full/part timers and trained/untrained tch coming and going..... point to note, i am not saying that untrained staff (help) is not good, just that there are too many limitations (cannot take class alone, cannot take k levels, cannot this, cannot that....). and they are always attached to my class (youngest but with most miscellaneous things to attend to) and I have been "taken for granted" that I can adapt and need to train each of them....and watch them leave.

on 26th June, is another eng tch's last day. she was acting as supervisor and we all know there will be a supervisor to take her place. but this is not all.

24th June: my other closest colleague (chinese tch) tendered her resignation
25th June: rumours of new sup pregnant
26th June: departure of our "acting supervisor"
27th June: confirm sup's pregnant, told to plan schedule, timetable- this became my job naturally

29th June: sup's first day, doesn't look positive
30th June: sup's not here, her hubby here with her medical report from the previous day. she's not working anymore. plan subsequent tchs working schedule, class timetable
1st Jul: cont'd to plan subsequent tchs working schedule, class timetable. tasked to post ad for recruiting teachers- don't know since when is this my job. one part timer's (works half a day only) first day.
2nd Jul: packed all the k level homework and paperwork. continued posting ad. reaslied sat working schedule for july not out and informed the boss. she then asked me to plan- so last minute!
3rd Jul: all timetable and schedule printed and distributed. then i discovered for the whole of next week untrained teacher is not coming in. great re-plan everything. quarrel btwn boss and colleague on this day. staff training on monday cancelled- no work.
4th Jul: i worked alone because too last min. boss say she bringing her daughter for health check on mon and tues so she's not coming in (<- major faint). informed of new child coming in in Aug or Sept. she had to insist we have sufficient staff and she wants to move 2 of the N1s up to N2 in advance- let me just simply say that this is a really rash and irrational decision.

6th Jul: no work. went to watch minions with sister. completed all my marking and lesson plan (phew!). was going for dinner with family. called received from boss. her daughter staying in hospital, she's not coming for the rest of the week. tasked to contact someone who came for interview to come and work- since when is this my job. told to liaise as it would be easy but that person say she can't come, found new job. re-plan all timetables and schedule. cont'd appearing positive to colleagues.
7th Jul: day of madness taking 2 classes tgt- of which one i don't take at all. plus i know there's birthday party of fussy parent's kids- how to appear we are fine when we are so short handed?!
8th Jul: hectic day at work- boss pushing for national day party details. tasked to type circular (letter to parents)- since when is this my work?!
9th Jul: hectic day at work as usual.
10th Jul: boss won't be in in the pm. she got some ex parent to come in and help. the thing is, we need trained tchs who can take a class alone!!

So, after so much "ranting"..
What does this teach me/ shouts in my face?

THINGS ARE NOT IN MY CONTROL.

Reminders from God in this period:
17th June: Know how to share your problems. God wants me to be happy too; not miserable.
24th June: Even when I don't say a thing, others can feel and they know and they are praying for me. God would know even better!
30th June: In all circumstances, give thanks.
1st Jul: Approach His throne remembering His love for me and everyone. Circumstances may have changed but God will not change.
5th Jul: In Christ alone I place my trust, and find my glory in the power of the cross. In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, is CHRIST ALONE. (THIS IS SO TRUE CAUSE EVERYDAY IS A BATTLE AND IN EVERY VICTORY MAY I SAY WHATEVER'S IN THE SONG)
8th Jul: He has set the universe in place- what are my problems to Him? Chicken feet!

THINGS ARE NOT IN MY CONTROL. THEY ARE IN GOD'S HANDS.

Upcoming:
Boss won't be in town 15 July- 8 Aug
Birthday parties on: 10, 16, 23, 24, 30 July- how are we going to appear fine in front of parents? how am I going to head the parties? this is a record breaking no. of celebrations in a month btw!
Parties: Hari Raya- 16 Jul, National Day- 6 Aug plus all the craft work we need to produce and preparations
THE DAY- 4 Aug (boss not back, cook on leave, full time chinese tch on home leave and that leaves us with barely 4 tchs of which 2 are untrained and 1 is unstable and 1 is going crazy?)

I have no idea how am I going to go through the next stage- I have other things I want to give priority to.
I feel that I'm stretched to my max already.
I feel that I am going to fall sick anytime.

I know that things are not in my hands,
I know that things are in God's hands.
I know that I got to draw strength from Him everyday.
I know that I can rely on Him to do all things.

GOD DOESN'T GIVE US WHAT WE CAN HANDLE,
GOD HELPS US HANDLE WHAT WE ARE GIVEN.

Tuesday 23 June 2015

clearer now

Thankful for a short meet up and some time to pray and share :)

Charlene asked me 2 thought provoking questions today. First she asked how was work and I couldn't find an answer (where to start answering). Then she rephrased and asked: what was good about today?

The answer is today was good because some of the children voluntarily said "I love you" to me. From being barely able to speak to murmuring to mimicking and now expressing themselves.. what progress! And what a privilege to be able to be a part of their growth. I'm quite sure the children understood what they were saying and meant their words too. I'm quite sure it's not a result of them following what I've said before (because it's not my style to express love to them this way hehe).

Thank you for your love, dear children! ♡

今天, 我为孩子们的童真与朋友的慰问献上感谢。不经意的一句话或许能带来很大的正能量哦!

Tuesday 26 May 2015

choc please

If chocolate makes you feel happier, can I have some please?

Sunday 24 May 2015

"perks" of teaching sun sch

it's really a joy to teach the younger ones in sunday school! :)
p6 is a class which i have not taught before but i think they have opened up to me pretty well so far~
i am very very very thankful for the relationship built through the lessons:)

i sat in a few classes before actually teaching them for 3 lessons (as of now)..
and every lesson just shouts in my face to give thanks!!
it's definitely not by me that the class went this smoothly.

very briefly..
in the first lesson, we each shared about our family dynamics. it was amazing how everyone shared so openly and i'm especially happy to hear the boys share about how proud they were of their fathers!

in the second lesson, we played an ice breaker game to "force" others to say yes to us. The heart-warming thing is... the class remembered what their friends shared in the previous weeks and used those prior knowledge to get their peers to sayyyy... yeeeessss!! i lost terribly, saying the most yeses eventually. but anyway.. please let me share that when I said 2 of my yeses, they were really emotional ones (most probably like the one when i say i do HAHAHA..)...

jm asked: you like to peel prawns right?
me: yes.
jm asked again: you like to peel prawns for your family during chinese new year right?
me: yes (and I was screaming in my heart YES YES YES!!!)

they remembered each others' sharing and mine too! i feel like an "accomplished" mother as i type this hahaha...

today, at the end of the lesson, i asked the class if there was anything i could pray for them.
xh... he responded by muttering something under his breathe!!
i think it must have taken a lot of him to say that. it was about something that bothered him so so so much a month back.
jm and jy shared something close to their hearts too!
really thankful that they are willing to open up :)

fourth lesson-> i'll be away. think i will miss them for a week. but i know they are in safe and loving hands of Shermin :)

why will i be away? family trip! we haven't planned anything except to book accommodation. crazy schedule recently.. anybody has got tips to share?

seems that Booking.com is more excited than i am.. hahaha..

as a closure for the week that has passed,
i think it has been a good week.
got to meet an old friend and heard that he is well,
got to talk a little bit more to a new friend,
got a brightest smile from a little stranger,
got a surprise letter from a little girl who i do not teach,

she reached the school (with this envelope in her hand) at the same time as me. i felt that she was disappointed seeing me. little did i know that the reason is because this sweet surprise was for me! :')

got another surprise from a little boy who didn't come to school (for many days) the day after,

i was close to being frustrated at the amount of things i had to vet as i sat before the computer. the sweet little boy came to me first to say hi, then came to me a second time with this thoughtful card :)
got to meet up with my mentor (she is really not like my mentee but the opposite!) and had a great chat and 误打误撞 found a nice thai food place...


plus i am enjoying being able to travel to work with someone lovely in 2 out of 5 days of the week..

i think that the busy me is still really blessed and i should continually count my blessings =)

JIA YOU!!

Friday 22 May 2015

why the slamming door?

Hopefully it does not develop into an "episode" that teaches me to see things in a totally different light and wake me up from my silly thoughts.. but if so.. then what's next? to a significant extent there lies anticipation actually..

I need people to be on my side. To understand where I'm coming from. To support what I'm doing, share my joy and struggles. Is that too much to ask? I know that my sister would certainly be on my side but then who else?...

Monday 18 May 2015

my love for trees

i like to look at trees...
a lot!
so much so that my sister is a little bothered by me and she says that she'll definitely send me my daily dosage of trees when she's in uk for exchange.

reason for liking trees?
i like it that big and tall trees 给人一种莫名的安全感。
或许是从那一棵小树开始的。。
因接着那一颗小树上帝提醒了我:
He will protect me.

travelling to work on a few days have been made much more enjoyable with a dear friend sharing the journey!
it's kind of out of the way for her..
but she has been really kind to travel with me.
一个人的时候,总会胡思乱想多一点嘛。。:')

我会继续留意身边的大树小树的!
你们等着我更多的照片吧!
P.S. 其实我的电话里还蛮多照片的呵呵。。

晚安啦!:)

uncertain situation certain in the Lord

If it's not, it's gotta be something else. I'll wait upon the Lord =)

Saturday 16 May 2015

my week

i started the week very low on fuel.. carrying forward some thoughts i had from the previous week..
and dragged my feel to work, literally..

a typical week of mine allows me to have some time for myself on mon/thurs/fri evenings, with monday set aside as preparation day.

editing/ vetting progress reports eventually used up monday and thurs but i had to squeeze little time for myself which i'm happy to share with you...


this is the card i made for a special someone.
she's just like my grandma. so doting and thoughtful :)
she's someone who has made work much much much more bearable,
and i don't think i can use words to sufficiently explain this to you,
but i hope you get what i mean...
aunty goh's a really special person to me and i hope you will know her too<3

this little effort made me pretty much a walking zombie for tuesday,
but there was something that made my day much better too!

thank you er yi for your love and noodles :)
tues evening went on with prayer and praise session and lots of sharing with requires heavenly intervention.
heavy hearted evening..
can only continue to commit in prayer.

water play wednesday is one of the most hectic days of the week.
with the ever insufficient staff and/or new helping hand,
water play is always a challenge but the day (literally) ended on a good note and led to evening's CIC! :)

dear reader if you're reading this,
i really like to share the following with you =)

part of the lesson was on spiritual reading and we reviewed Acts 8: 26-40.
my takeaway was fruitful and i'm glad to share it.
v27: when you are called to do something, you need to respond with action!
v28: many people actually have access to the Bible! so how can we tap on this and spread the Word?
v29: responding promptly- you could have missed the chariot!
       are you ever ready to be dispatched? or reluctant due to inadequate equipping?
v30: respond swiftly, acting on it!! No procrastination!
v31: approaching others can start from the simple things (topics). nothing awkward!!
v34: the prompting qns: God-provided opportunities for us to share more!
v35: seize these opportunities!
v36: the initial drive in serving- where is it now?
v39: ever ready for relocation

we had to reflect/ think about why is our takeaway as such too.
i think i know the reason.
thank God for that :)

on thurs and fri, my "supervisory role" colleague was on mc.
being in the knowing of such a situation (of more shorthandedness) is definitely a test of the mind,
but thanks be to the gracious Father for leading us through these 2 days just like always!

today i met a colleague and her hubby to chat a bit more about setting up a business.
she's the same person who tgt with her husband, is so keen to introduce a bf to me!
it's really quite funny.. anw..
the POINT is,
it could have potentially been a really awkward setting for the meet up..
BUT they chose to talk about the topic mentioned above.
AND the conversation moved on to MY FAITH progressing from whether i have to find a Christian bf, etc, etc.

AND then i got to share with them why i go to church every Sunday,
AND CG,
AND Sunday school,
AND Bible study,
AND the different denominations and differences,
AND what helped me to push on at work,
WITH LOTS OF OTHER ELABORATIONS.

They naturally prompted me to talk.
And the opportunity just came like that.
It was just like my experience of Acts 8.
And i am super thankful for the meetup.
That though our intention to meet doesn't seem like it will go to sharing of faith,
It somehow did.

And it feels great to be able to share my God with someone else.

THANK YOU LORD! :D

Friday 15 May 2015

overthinking

怎么办。。。想太多的结果是。。胡思乱想。。很矛盾吧! 我都语无伦次了。。

不可以这样!! 要寻求从天上而来的安排!! 祷告祷告!!

Wednesday 13 May 2015

something on my mind..

I keep thinking about something.. It's not that I intentionally think about it but it just keeps coming back! But... the qn is... is that what God wants for me?

Monday 11 May 2015

phew!

This week is finally over.
Relieved.
Huge relief.

The party was something I was really excited for, but besides that and my serving opportunities.. I didn't quite like the other deadlines and events. After coming back from church today was such a relief. Tiredness immediately set in and joy too of course.. but these mixed feelings resulted in not being able to take a nap. Which is a cause of concern, because this doesn't happen to me.

Another thing that got me thinking a lot was how we befriended our new friend today. Reflecting but I've got no absolute answer yet.. how could we have better "transited him"? Was the numerous background liasing effective? Was he truly welcomed? hmm..

The work of the week is not over, too. Why? The vetting of the chinese teachers' work is really taking a toil on me. I have my deadlines to meet for English. And, I also have to meet that same deadline for vetting the 3 tchs' work. The thing is, they need lots of pushing and their work is not easily to vet because there's lots of room for improvement... I'm so limited. I wanna let God's plan prevail but it's so hard. Breathless. Not figuratively.

Upcoming family trip... I'm looking for a breather more than anything. But the other hard truth is also the implications to consider as I go on leave.. and the planning and bookings involved...

Lamentations 3:21-24 NIV
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord ’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

谦卑。顺服。祷告。

Monday 27 April 2015

splurged on deco

Hehe yes you read it right! I think my parents will jump knowing the amount.. Anyway! It shall all be for my adorable sister :D One thing of my to-do list! So happy! :)

Thursday 23 April 2015

little minions

because of HFMD, there were only 4 in the class yesterday
because of the big excuse of HFMD, we had 101 other things to do as "part of the cleaning"
I almost went crazy with sorting and reorganizing and labeling past 5 years' lesson plans for all subjects for all classes the past few days during nap time.
from being very reluctant to work on such meaningless task, i changed my mindset to "i can do it! it's almost the end"..
and i did it!! all done!!
and then comes the task of carrying all these heavy files to when they are to be stored..
all these happened while the children were napping/ later woke up.

as i carried the heavy files out of the class,
the little minions were looking at me all the time.
apparently after the last time i went out,
one went to ask the other teacher where i was,
and then they came over to where i was in a row, neat and organized,
each carrying a small load of what i was transporting the whole time!!
awww sooo swweeeet these little minions.
my heart melted at the sight of them<3
for a moment i felt like gru though..
but that's besides the point ;)

later i was very early for CIC class!
and I was given the opportunity to help an old lady find the bus interchange and her bus!
the super cool thing was...
our entire conversation was in dialect!
and i'm so so thankful that I can converse with her fluently!
we spoke about which side of the escalator to stand on, which way to go, where was she going, where was I going to, how much longer will her bus take, and all the sorry to trouble you and thank yous and please don't mention and welcome..
what i'm trying to say is..
it's definitely not by myself that i can "pull through" the entire conversation
AND thus I can only give thanks :)

later on, my dinner alone and 3 other incidents continued to contribute to my great evening!

the past 2 sessions of CIC has been the sharing of each of our faith journeys!
it's awesome to be able to hear from one another and learn from one another.
God is AMAZING
He provides and leads in ways men cannot fathom
but we may later come to realize that it can only be the work of the Almighty.

i have a feeling that the class will not be so quiet after today's session.
it's a good feeling.
the ice has been broken!
and i'm definitely looking forward to our journey together in the months ahead! :)

oh yes!
another reason why yesterday ended on a good note is because...
i plucked up the courage to message 2 people!
2 people who have gone through a lot on this day last year.
and they replied!
and she said: See me on Sunday!
and what's happening on Sunday?
baby Charlotte's full month celebration!

sometimes I don't know whether my encouragement is "effective".
because most of the time,
i think i end up being encouraged instead.
so at the end of all of these,
i can ONLY say..
THANK YOU LORD! :D

Monday 13 April 2015

thankful

Woke up this morning from a not fantastic rest from last night..

Could be the thoughts on my mind but I'm pretty sure the other contributing factor could be that my cough is still as bad and throat is irritated.

It's 2 weeks alr.. from my 2 days mc in the holy week till now. Why such a prolong period of being unwell? I don't know either.. but let me pen down 我因身体不适, 却从别人身上领受的极大恩惠之事! Need to help me to remember how God has been so faithful and He has "dispatched" these angels and gifts to me!

1) on sat working shift, aunty goh bought me luo han guo drink
2) on following Mon she bought me cough syrup
3) on 2 occasions, my neighbour (whom I'm actually not that close to) offered some white fungus desert and specifically mention it's for me
4) aunty goh bought 4 (yes, 4, not a typo) luo han guo+ aloe vera drinks for me to bring home to drink
5) aunty yan boiled chrysanthemum tea for the children and specially made me a glass with less sugar and poured it for me while it's warm
6) my mum boiling green bean water, yang sheng xu, buying gui ling gao + loving nagging
7) my dad's and sister's and people's caring words

All of these all came unexpectedly.
I'm truly a beloved child of the gracious Father. Though I'm so undeserving, He still blessed me so so freely!

最近比较忙

Working on a number of things recently..

Fact is.. for most of the things I'm happily involved with them while others require me to intentionally put in hard work.

Today, we went tomb sweeping. It's with the relatives on my mum's side. We usually go to the columbarium in remembrance of my grandma, grandpa and granduncle, then to my great grandfather's tombstone. This year, we went to visit baby Anna Jane at Trinity Methodist Church too.

It's been a year. We recall that in the short period of time when Anna Jane was with us, she helped us to gain so much and love so much. We remember her in our prayers and we pray that may the Lord continually lead the family and bless them with the desires of their hearts for another baby in His time. :)

As I mentioned previously, there'll be a few upcoming events in the family>>
Isabelle's first birthday on 18 Apr
Charlotte's 满月 on 26 Apr

"Tricky" events for the family to meet each other. But I pray that may the Lord be merciful and gracious to us (as He always is) especially as we go through these.

Today we celebrated my da yi's birthday. She's the grandma of Anna and Charlotte. We have been keeping up with birthday celebrations recently. It's a lot of effort but, we wanna seize every moment spent with everyone :) hopefully these beginning steps lead us a long long way in understanding each other in greater depth!

Looking forward..
The other things I've to look into/ongoing includes..
-Planning teachers' retreat
-Plan and liaise my sister's 21st!
-Writing mid year progress report and portfolio
-Vet the chinese tchs' work for above tasks
-"Receive" the handover from the head tch who's leaving
-Present at Parents' Workshop
-Prepare and attend SL meeting
-Prepare to teach Sunday School in the next trimester
-Start planning my short family Bangkok getaway over Vesak Day hols with my sisSmiling face with smiling eyes
-Diligently keep up with CIC "homework"
-Plan a family gathering over Labour Day probably?
-Meet someone intentionally for a HTHT to try to understand a bigger problem

The list is definitely not exhaustive. But I would like to choose to be forward looking in facing what the Lord has in stored for me :)

Fighting!! Praying!!

Sunday 29 March 2015

不要把一切当作是必然的

"Don't take things for granted."

I heard this phrase not once, not twice, but many many times.
But often, such phrases don't sync in until you really feel it.

it has been an emotional week..
a week which everything and everyone reminds you in the most direct manner to reminiscence, to give thanks..
a week of listing the many things that did not happen by a snap of your fingers, but how these things came about through the hard work of a leader and his team members.
a week which you can't really put together your emotions although there may be joyous things that happened in between..

I have a family, a home, a church, a country I belong to all accredited to our gracious Father.
He raised and used a man to propel the progressions in our homeland.
We have a peaceful nation to call our own with racial and religious freedom because of what the late PM Lee did.
And all of these happened because it was God's plan for Singapore to grow in such a way.

I made a trip to the community tribute site and wrote my little insignificant message to our founding Father this morning.
The volunteer there suggested that I take a photo of the message to remember it..
I obliged, but i guess it was more of to show my children next time on how we witnessed the passing of a great man in this generation..


"Don't take things for granted."
Was part of what C shared during the memorial service of lil Anna.
We didn't even get to see Anna..

We've been seeing C for 2 consecutive Sats already because he dropped by to visit baby Charlotte.
I have no idea the emotions that go through his mind..
And that soon we'll be celebrating the 1st birthday of Isabelle and Charlotte's full month..
Dear God, help!!

Not forgetting that my dearest aunt's birthday is on 1 Apr and we were thinking of a surprise celebration the day before...
But one of the contemplation now is..
要以怎么样的心情庆祝呢?

Remember the review in 6 months' time which I mentioned?
You know what, it was a blunder.
That review is the post op review to see if the wound is recovering well after the major surgery to remove my aunt's bladder.
The review to monitor if the cancer cells have spread again is in 2 months' time.
And as of the last review on Tues, the doctor said that the cancer will definitely come back.
"3 months/ 6 months/ 9 months/ a year it'll come back."
What a way to put it across..
And how should we be reacting to this piece of news?
How would the f. p. look like next year?

I feel that a part of me is running away.
How to cope?
Plus the irritating working place saga..
Plus the head teacher leaving..
Plus the other reliable tch leaving..

It's like it took me great pains and time to build the relationship and now...
I'm 1.5 years to my ORD aka end of my bond..
And the same colleagues like to ask me how would I feel..
Of course I am happy for them to move on to a happier workplace!
But I don't know if I can pull through this..
I'm quite mentally drained and demoralized..

I don't know if I'm partially affected by my physically unwell state but I don't quite feel like talking..
But there are things to be done...

I should be updating this space more often.
Hope I don't become...

Everything around seems so depressing...

Thursday 26 March 2015

tragedy along East Coast Road

An atomic bomb has been dropped to the superior's email through the head teacher's hands. Tomorrow onwards we start to clear the aftermath...

Monday 23 March 2015

the nation grieves

Deafening silence everywhere... :/

blessed:')

graduation ceremony really came a bit late..
i submitted my last assignment on 1 Oct last year hahaha..

anw, i am just trying to say that the joy of completing my studies wasn't that heartfelt already..
but the ceremony, the love from my mum and sis (and dad though he couldn't make it), the extended family's surprise (which i spoiled sorry!), the likes and congrats on social media platforms, thank You so so much and thank yous so so much!

all your love is so overwhelming
and it's so timely
and i am truly thankful for each of you:)

thank you all for showing so much love.
God knows i needed it (literally. He's amazing.)

i really really need it.

can't say much for now,
will reveal a significant change at the workplace next time.

it's so late already but i'm happily doing my stuff empowered by all your love and partly my extended power nap earlier hehe..

谢谢你们的爱! <3

Sunday 15 March 2015

baby shower

Please meet baby Charlotte!


Yesterday, I had the opportunity to carry a 3 day old baby for the first time.


Things, however, are not as easy as they seem.
It is the time that we celebrate.
It is also the time of mixed feelings.
And a time to especially ask for God's grace and mercy upon the family.

Remember C? About a year ago, we celebrated the birth of his daughter who is now reunited with the Lord.
It was a tough period for all of us, especially C and his family.
There was questioning and weeping and mourning and challenges to stand firm in the Lord.
There was also revelation and lessons learnt and submission before our Lord.

Baby Charlotte is C's niece.
As the family and the extended family rejoices, we also remember dear baby Anna Jane who brought us so much love and joy in her 15 days with us.
We know baby Anna is in the best place.
But we as mere humans we are all so weak and we need the Lord's mercy so so much.

In the same hospital we said our goodbye, we said hello.
It's so tough.
Last year, when my other cousin gave birth to her daughter (in the same period), we did such a bad job of extending our care to her.
This year, now,
I can only imagine Anna's parents' hurt as they revisit the memory that is still so vivid in our minds.
Lord, please enlighten us on this please.
We need You to help us in this and lead us through with Your perspective, not ours, Lord.

And you know something, I have a love-hate relationship with social media.
It's so efficient.
BUT
It is so insensitive.

Coincidences too.
Another tough thing we have to handle.
I know that they are there for a reason, surely.
But why?

My aunt has ended her cycles of chemo and doc reviews for now.
Her next review with the doctor is 6 months later.
How about Your review on us, dear Lord,
What prescription and advice do You have for us in this time?
How can we align ourselves to Your Will and to be used by You?

Dear Lord, 
You are the Lord of the sunshine,
The Lord of the rain.
You're the Lord of the good times,
The Lord of the pain.
You're the Lord of the mountains,
The Lord of the seas.
You're the Lord of the music,
The Lord of the children,
The Lord of you and me.
Would you please, Lord, bring the family together?
Help us to be strongly rooted in You and trust Your sovereign plans which we may not see now,
or may not ever see it at all..
But teach us Lord to have a heart that is willing to be led by You,
used by You,
and one that brings glory to Your Name.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Saturday 14 March 2015

not a good week :(

It hasn't been a good week as the title of post says.

On Monday, i dialed 995 because my colleague experienced an asthma attack/ hyperventilation/ shock. The head tch was on leave and I, the senior tch (yes, I have a new title for a lot more work) was to take charge. I knew it was gonna be a bad day because k1 and k2 are having eye check up (i anticipated chaos), but little did I know it would be that bad (upon reaching the workplace teacher "fainting", crowd control, severe short-handedness...). Anw to keep the story short, I was so panicky then but I managed the situation relatively commendably I would say. Pardon the self praise.. the point is, the superior rendered minimal support to this incident and she dropped by to look and then left though we had half the usual staff strength. She also popped by to blame me for not calling the private hospital ambulance number (hosp was pretty near by) but 995. Seriously?!.. :/

On Tuesday, it was field trip day. I intended to reach work early, but I was late:( The interesting part of this day was that i met a person who didn't wanna let me "overtake" him on the escalator and even while walking. Then afterwards in my subsequent attempt of getting a cab, i was scolded by a Caucasian lady who first just said: "My luggage" when she alighted from the taxi i wanted to board, then when i attempted to look at the driver to see if i could board, the lady scolded me very firmly: "NO, i said, my luggage" with a deadly stare. Well, afterwards I think she meant her luggage is still in the cab, she's just alighting to run an errand. I was quite surprised that I wasn't affected by her but just a little amused! So my day started bad and the field trip was not any better at all.

Wednesday- mid week. The tiredness kicking in... the most uncomfortable day of the month... and busy crazy was the consistent week throughout..

Thursday, i sprained my third little toe early in the morning. Poor toe.. Child was throwing tantrum and i was carrying her away when she stepped on me and i pulled my toe away from her foot and... :(

On Friday, my colleague was sacked. That's the shortest account I can give you excluding the saga and all of gathering evidences, trying to accommodate her, etc etc.

Sigh pie..

But still... I give thanks for the week that has passed :)
It was exhausting, but there was still a little good in each day that didn't make things so terrible all the way..

Monday: I had my lovely family and Alicia who heard me rant and they are a part of the group of people I know they will always be on my side. I had the other 2 colleagues who stayed with me in the woman-power deficit struggle. The nurses from the eye check up were a great support to me as the emergency happened as well. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART >> 9 MAR IS THE DAY MY AUNT RETURNED TO WORK!!!:D

Tuesday: Bible study with my uncles and aunt on a weekly basis has helped me to know them a lot better and it is also a great platform to learn God's Word! Today I had a chat with my aunt (in the same line as I am but with 24 more years of experience than I) and she shared her frustration and all.. It reminded me of how my struggle is so real but I have a community to share it with me that includes people with similar experiences. AND, it can be SCARILY SIMILAR too.

Wednesday: CIC class is a great platform to learn and I'm very happy to be in the class to learn together with others and see how my aunt teaches (with her powerful voice I know she is well and I can only give thanks) too!

Thursday: Once again my family was so protective of me (I know it's beyond the injured toe) and there's so much love <3 Had a good talk with my mum too which she shared with me about the time (duration) that I have to keep to myself for the longest time and now I can tell her: "Actually, I know." I really can't express how much of a "relief" that is.

Friday: Really simply T.G.I.F. Though there was the saga and all, I realised that I can be a "pillar of support" to my other colleague and colleagues, which i am thankful for.

Monday 9 March 2015

what a day!

Today, I dialed 995 for the first time in my life...the alpha bravo sent my colleague to the hospital.

Thursday 5 March 2015

excited much!!!

Though it's past midnight alr, I just wanna share my joy and excitement!!

Today marks the start of CIC class!! Yay!

On a side note.... I reconnected my ex-colleague on WeChat!! Words can't express how good this is. Seriously.

Goodnight everyone! :)

Tuesday 3 March 2015

心情不好

Overloaded. Why did so many things become my responsibility?!

I am going to fight for my own rights. 1 hour lunch break away from the children, time to do my work.

Work is not meant to be brought back home. My focus was suposed to be family for this year...not work.

越想越烦, 但其实已经筋疲力尽了。。

Sunday 22 February 2015

period of cny

a few days prior to cny, i went to collect my graduation transcript and subsequently my graduation cert!
finally after 3 years of hard work! :)
this cny, is very special for me because i have set my heart that my focus for this year will be family!
so, will I be furthering my studies? nope for the time being! but if you happen to see me and ask me face to face... let's keep it as I wanna take a break yea!

Here's my certificate! Graduation ceremony is pushed forward 3 months. I'll be wearing my first ever graduation robe (besides the one worn in K2 haha) in a month minus a day! :)

Now, CNY period 2015. Please meet keropok kitty! HAHA random~

anw~
back to the point..
i had a few memorable conversations with my relatives this year so far...

with my er jiu>>
我和妹妹:二舅,祝你新年快乐,身体健康!
他:Same to both of you. Yes, good health is the most important. You know, nothing is yours to keep. When you are gone, you have nothing. But you have only one thing, you know what is it?
我和妹妹:Don't know..
他:Moment. Every moment you live is yours to keep. So you got to have good health to live every moment.
我和妹妹:Wa.. deep deep.

Disputable points aside, I think there's some truth in what he said. The moments of 2015 cny can only be recalled after it's over.. It is thus important to 把握时机,珍惜身边的每一个人。You'll never know how differently the family photos will look next year...



with my da yi (while helping her rinse the dishes)>>
她:阿沛你今年二十多岁了对吗?
我:是,我二十三了。
她:你有没有男朋友?
我:没有。
她:那可以开始找了,要找认识的,要会保护自己。。。
then大姨丈came by to continue how I need to protect myself and cannot go to countdown parties etc etc and cannot drink the drinks after I put down my cup etc etc.
so blessed to have caring relatives :)

with my xiao yi>>
我和妹妹:小姨,祝你新年快乐,身体健康,青春永驻。
她:谢谢!也祝你们新年快乐,学业进步,工作顺利。。。哦!哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。。还有!
我和妹妹:噢我知道你要讲什么了。。
她:祝你能够找到Mr Right!(对妹妹)你可以慢一点,(对我)你就可以快一点。
我和妹妹:哈哈噢,谢谢!

I think this is a topic that we can't run away every cny right.. But I want to see it as caring relatives God has blessed me with. It's not those pushy type or so but genuine concern. :)

Have got no idea when the other person would come along, will have to seek the One above :)
In the mean time, I'm very happy for 2 particular sisters who have met their Mr Rights pretty recently :)
I always have a dream to wanna be a young mummy so that my parents can 享受天伦之乐with their grandchildren; something which I didn't manage to have with my grandparents.

We'll see how it goes and whether the dream is aligned to the plan which God has for me :)