不要把一切当作是必然的

"Don't take things for granted."

I heard this phrase not once, not twice, but many many times.
But often, such phrases don't sync in until you really feel it.

it has been an emotional week..
a week which everything and everyone reminds you in the most direct manner to reminiscence, to give thanks..
a week of listing the many things that did not happen by a snap of your fingers, but how these things came about through the hard work of a leader and his team members.
a week which you can't really put together your emotions although there may be joyous things that happened in between..

I have a family, a home, a church, a country I belong to all accredited to our gracious Father.
He raised and used a man to propel the progressions in our homeland.
We have a peaceful nation to call our own with racial and religious freedom because of what the late PM Lee did.
And all of these happened because it was God's plan for Singapore to grow in such a way.

I made a trip to the community tribute site and wrote my little insignificant message to our founding Father this morning.
The volunteer there suggested that I take a photo of the message to remember it..
I obliged, but i guess it was more of to show my children next time on how we witnessed the passing of a great man in this generation..

"Don't take things for granted."

Was part of what C shared during the memorial service of lil Anna.
We didn't even get to see Anna..

We've been seeing C for 2 consecutive Sats already because he dropped by to visit baby Charlotte.
I have no idea the emotions that go through his mind..
And that soon we'll be celebrating the 1st birthday of Isabelle and Charlotte's full month..
Dear God, help!!

Not forgetting that my dearest aunt's birthday is on 1 Apr and we were thinking of a surprise celebration the day before...
But one of the contemplation now is..
要以怎么样的心情庆祝呢？

Remember the review in 6 months' time which I mentioned?
You know what, it was a blunder.
That review is the post op review to see if the wound is recovering well after the major surgery to remove my aunt's bladder.
The review to monitor if the cancer cells have spread again is in 2 months' time.
And as of the last review on Tues, the doctor said that the cancer will definitely come back.
"3 months/ 6 months/ 9 months/ a year it'll come back."
What a way to put it across..
And how should we be reacting to this piece of news?
How would the f. p. look like next year?

I feel that a part of me is running away.
How to cope?
Plus the irritating working place saga..
Plus the head teacher leaving..
Plus the other reliable tch leaving..

It's like it took me great pains and time to build the relationship and now...
I'm 1.5 years to my ORD aka end of my bond..
And the same colleagues like to ask me how would I feel..
Of course I am happy for them to move on to a happier workplace!
But I don't know if I can pull through this..
I'm quite mentally drained and demoralized..

I don't know if I'm partially affected by my physically unwell state but I don't quite feel like talking..
But there are things to be done...

I should be updating this space more often.
Hope I don't become...

Everything around seems so depressing...

tragedy along East Coast Road

An atomic bomb has been dropped to the superior's email through the head teacher's hands. Tomorrow onwards we start to clear the aftermath...

the nation grieves

Deafening silence everywhere... :/

blessed:')

graduation ceremony really came a bit late..
i submitted my last assignment on 1 Oct last year hahaha..

anw, i am just trying to say that the joy of completing my studies wasn't that heartfelt already..
but the ceremony, the love from my mum and sis (and dad though he couldn't make it), the extended family's surprise (which i spoiled sorry!), the likes and congrats on social media platforms, thank You so so much and thank yous so so much!

all your love is so overwhelming
and it's so timely
and i am truly thankful for each of you:)

thank you all for showing so much love.
God knows i needed it (literally. He's amazing.)

i really really need it.

can't say much for now,
will reveal a significant change at the workplace next time.

it's so late already but i'm happily doing my stuff empowered by all your love and partly my extended power nap earlier hehe..

谢谢你们的爱！ <3

baby shower

Please meet baby Charlotte!

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to carry a 3 day old baby for the first time.

Things, however, are not as easy as they seem.

It is the time that we celebrate.

It is also the time of mixed feelings.

And a time to especially ask for God's grace and mercy upon the family.

Remember C? About a year ago, we celebrated the birth of his daughter who is now reunited with the Lord.

It was a tough period for all of us, especially C and his family.

There was questioning and weeping and mourning and challenges to stand firm in the Lord.

There was also revelation and lessons learnt and submission before our Lord.

Baby Charlotte is C's niece.

As the family and the extended family rejoices, we also remember dear baby Anna Jane who brought us so much love and joy in her 15 days with us.

We know baby Anna is in the best place.

But we as mere humans we are all so weak and we need the Lord's mercy so so much.

In the same hospital we said our goodbye, we said hello.

It's so tough.

Last year, when my other cousin gave birth to her daughter (in the same period), we did such a bad job of extending our care to her.

This year, now,

I can only imagine Anna's parents' hurt as they revisit the memory that is still so vivid in our minds.

Lord, please enlighten us on this please.

We need You to help us in this and lead us through with Your perspective, not ours, Lord.

And you know something, I have a love-hate relationship with social media.

It's so efficient.

BUT

It is so insensitive.

Coincidences too.

Another tough thing we have to handle.

I know that they are there for a reason, surely.

But why?

My aunt has ended her cycles of chemo and doc reviews for now.

Her next review with the doctor is 6 months later.

How about Your review on us, dear Lord,

What prescription and advice do You have for us in this time?

How can we align ourselves to Your Will and to be used by You?

Dear Lord, 

You are the Lord of the sunshine,

The Lord of the rain.

You're the Lord of the good times,

The Lord of the pain.

You're the Lord of the mountains,

The Lord of the seas.

You're the Lord of the music,

The Lord of the children,

The Lord of you and me.

Would you please, Lord, bring the family together?

Help us to be strongly rooted in You and trust Your sovereign plans which we may not see now,

or may not ever see it at all..

But teach us Lord to have a heart that is willing to be led by You,

used by You,

and one that brings glory to Your Name.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

not a good week :(

It hasn't been a good week as the title of post says.

On Monday, i dialed 995 because my colleague experienced an asthma attack/ hyperventilation/ shock. The head tch was on leave and I, the senior tch (yes, I have a new title for a lot more work) was to take charge. I knew it was gonna be a bad day because k1 and k2 are having eye check up (i anticipated chaos), but little did I know it would be that bad (upon reaching the workplace teacher "fainting", crowd control, severe short-handedness...). Anw to keep the story short, I was so panicky then but I managed the situation relatively commendably I would say. Pardon the self praise.. the point is, the superior rendered minimal support to this incident and she dropped by to look and then left though we had half the usual staff strength. She also popped by to blame me for not calling the private hospital ambulance number (hosp was pretty near by) but 995. Seriously?!.. :/

On Tuesday, it was field trip day. I intended to reach work early, but I was late:( The interesting part of this day was that i met a person who didn't wanna let me "overtake" him on the escalator and even while walking. Then afterwards in my subsequent attempt of getting a cab, i was scolded by a Caucasian lady who first just said: "My luggage" when she alighted from the taxi i wanted to board, then when i attempted to look at the driver to see if i could board, the lady scolded me very firmly: "NO, i said, my luggage" with a deadly stare. Well, afterwards I think she meant her luggage is still in the cab, she's just alighting to run an errand. I was quite surprised that I wasn't affected by her but just a little amused! So my day started bad and the field trip was not any better at all.

Wednesday- mid week. The tiredness kicking in... the most uncomfortable day of the month... and busy crazy was the consistent week throughout..

Thursday, i sprained my third little toe early in the morning. Poor toe.. Child was throwing tantrum and i was carrying her away when she stepped on me and i pulled my toe away from her foot and... :(

On Friday, my colleague was sacked. That's the shortest account I can give you excluding the saga and all of gathering evidences, trying to accommodate her, etc etc.

Sigh pie..

But still... I give thanks for the week that has passed :)
It was exhausting, but there was still a little good in each day that didn't make things so terrible all the way..

Monday: I had my lovely family and Alicia who heard me rant and they are a part of the group of people I know they will always be on my side. I had the other 2 colleagues who stayed with me in the woman-power deficit struggle. The nurses from the eye check up were a great support to me as the emergency happened as well. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART >> 9 MAR IS THE DAY MY AUNT RETURNED TO WORK!!!:D

Tuesday: Bible study with my uncles and aunt on a weekly basis has helped me to know them a lot better and it is also a great platform to learn God's Word! Today I had a chat with my aunt (in the same line as I am but with 24 more years of experience than I) and she shared her frustration and all.. It reminded me of how my struggle is so real but I have a community to share it with me that includes people with similar experiences. AND, it can be SCARILY SIMILAR too.

Wednesday: CIC class is a great platform to learn and I'm very happy to be in the class to learn together with others and see how my aunt teaches (with her powerful voice I know she is well and I can only give thanks) too!

Thursday: Once again my family was so protective of me (I know it's beyond the injured toe) and there's so much love <3 Had a good talk with my mum too which she shared with me about the time (duration) that I have to keep to myself for the longest time and now I can tell her: "Actually, I know." I really can't express how much of a "relief" that is.

Friday: Really simply T.G.I.F. Though there was the saga and all, I realised that I can be a "pillar of support" to my other colleague and colleagues, which i am thankful for.

what a day!

Today, I dialed 995 for the first time in my life...the alpha bravo sent my colleague to the hospital.

excited much!!!

Though it's past midnight alr, I just wanna share my joy and excitement!!

Today marks the start of CIC class!! Yay!

On a side note.... I reconnected my ex-colleague on WeChat!! Words can't express how good this is. Seriously.

Goodnight everyone! :)

心情不好

Overloaded. Why did so many things become my responsibility?!

I am going to fight for my own rights. 1 hour lunch break away from the children, time to do my work.

Work is not meant to be brought back home. My focus was suposed to be family for this year...not work.

越想越烦, 但其实已经筋疲力尽了。。