"Grandma Duties" in Paradise

Hi, if you are reading i just wanted to share that my 大姨 was called home to God on 13/10 night. My family was attending to her funeral matters and her body was cremated on 17/10. 

My 大姨 was suffering a lot physically but managed to hold on by God's grace to see her son who returned from overseas and all her grandchildren who visited that night. I thankful that God sustained her. 😬

During the wake, my extended family worked hard to let everyone who had shared a part my 大姨's life/ came for the funeral to remember her and give thanks for the life she lived.

We also managed to put together a video in remembrance of her. If you have some time and like to, you can click on the link to watch the video.

 https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YgcSI2Rx1EhEDGb5rPv3Oss6PZbEqqGb/view?usp=sharing

May I ask that you keep my family in prayer please? A lot of our lives were planned around caring and being with my 大姨。Now that she is no longer physically present with us, I think there is a void that is very significant especially to my aunt, my mum and my 大姨's immediate family. Thank you for keeping us in prayer. 

For the first time

For the first time I thought about getting someone to pose as my other half so that I can let a 长辈安心。

For the first time I feel I'm gonna just 豁出去 and don't care about my 面子. Had the the idea to just 公开寻找 whoever can help me with the above because I am pretty sure I have friends who won't mind helping me for the cause.

Crazy isn't it.

My thoughts have been wild because things have been so hard to bear.

For the first time I had someone broke down so badly in front of me. 

For the first time I had to hear such heartbreaking news in a family conference. 

For the first time I talked to a doctor from the palliative care department.

For a first time I found it so hard to reply the message: hope she recovers soon.

God, I know You are gracious and merciful.

Help us please... 

I can totally relate to this

"[T]he only things keeping me from resigning until now were the love I have for my students, the love I have for the act of teaching, and the heavy guilt I feel for my children being negatively impacted by this in any way: emotionally or academically," McCall wrote in the document. "However, I cannot set myself on fire to keep someone else warm."

https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/living/story/teacher-shared-resignation-letter-quitting-job-28-62850547

"Though I just took over from _____ abruptly, I can feel that it seems that the usage of the new projection screen for tomorrow has not been properly planned for/ we are not as ready as we should be. Was the installation of the screen out of the planned timeline? I understand that you all are helping me out with the ppt tmr hence the creation of this group. However, don't you think that it's a little too much to ask for in such a short time frame? And because I can't let you have the slides as soon as you want due to my schedule this evening, I have to implicate you all by holding you up. Question is why did it have to turn out this way? And why is your tone so BAD?"

I was asked a question, here's the answer (if you will like to hear:D)

What keeps me motivated in the workplace?

Hmm.. Let’s contextualize it for 2018! I think there are 3 main reasons:

1) The children I am working with

2) The partner I am with

3) The phase I am in

In 2018 I have worked with the children for 1 year already. Why did I stay for that 1 year? I believe I managed to hold on because of the hope I had that the centre will become better as I came to know my colleagues (the people I am working with towards change) better. For a year, I saw how things can be greatly improved on. Therefore…

Point 1: My heart really goes out for the children I am with. I feel that since the responsibility of caring for the 2 classes has been given to me, I have the control on how these children’s preschool experience will be. I know clearly that I was given the difficult children, and I struggled badly along the way too. Part of it was because, I feel that “Yes, I may seem more competent in some aspects thanks to the experience I have gathered in this industry over the years, but that doesn’t mean you should take me for granted.”

But in any case, I was certain about my role in the centre, something like “an advocate” for the children. By nature, I don’t think I am such a “vocal” person. However, because of the children I wanted to fight for (for them to have their rights and not to have these rights compromised because they cannot speak for themselves), I chose to become as others would see, someone with a lot of questions and a “difficult” staff. 

I had one child whom I wanted to do a lot more for, because he had very different needs from others. I requested to take his class for this year too, but unfortunately my request could not be fulfilled. Although I still regret that I was not able to do more, I am glad I could make some difference in my little capacity (I hope).

Point 2: I was blessed with a like-minded partner. I have colleagues who shared similar ideas with me too. But really, to have someone who works especially closely with you share your heart for the children is really important. It was a hard journey along the way. Ke lao shi can testify for the frustrations I had and how much her poor ears had to take in from my rants. Teacher Pris too! But we were able to support each other so so much and give our best to our children. 

The outcome? I would think that our classes and children were handled well. We were responsible for the children in our care and parents too. BUT, sadly.. we still hear negative things. The worst was “Both of you are selfish. Only take care of your own classes and never give ideas to others and help them.” Sad right? But I still believe that as long that my conscience is clear, I am good :) Once again, I can’t emphasize enough how having a like-minded partner is such a great blessing.

Point 3: The phase I am in contributed to me persevering through because I am going through my studies concurrently. Thus as I try my best to make the best out of the circumstances I am in, I don’t want to introduce any changes (such as new workplace, children, colleagues and parents) because I am finally more settled in, though it is not the most ideal place to be in.

So, to end of.. Was I actually “motivated”? I would say no, it’s more of I was clear of the reasons to persevere and not give up. I was also blessed with the support to help me pull through.

...... (and there was a little bit more that is not suitable for posting here)

Like I shared with you, I am actually also figuring out why am I given a long leave in this period of my life.. Thank you for your question. I think it has helped me to move on in my search a bit :)

Thank you for hearing me out:)

Deciphering young minds? Hahaha..

My dear special boy's mum made a comment today and it really made my day :)

It has been a few weeks since he started his speech therapy.

The therapist said that the boy seem to love English more than Chinese! He speaks and responds more to English too! (The boy has a Chinese speaking background.)

"Is he always exposed to English language in school? Or does he really like his English teacher?" the therapist asks.

I would like to think it's the latter. I actually always speak to him in English and then I'll translate what I said. 😊

Though the boy is still non-verbal for now.. I'm glad that a third person can read his mind and interpret this encouraging message:")

(Actually i don't know what the speech therapist mean by the boy speaking in English.. I wonder how she does it.. I would like to hear from him too!!)

TPCMC45

While there are people who are not nice, there are people who are genuine and so so sweet.

Similar names, contrasting actions...

Well, the long projectionist post didn't help me to get over things afterall...

The point above aside, family is truly ♡

God's planning

It seems that every year at Youth Sunday I receive important reminders and encouragement from God :)

"Please do get more help from other ministries and age groups. Doesn’t mean youth Sunday Youths need to overwork! 😆"

And to think that approaching this person may make him feel out of place. Silly me.

#confessionsofateacher

I think that the parents should sue...

1095 days

So there's this quote in school which I keep seeing about setting a goal for yourself in 1095 days.

Actually I do have one in mind!

Now.. will it even be possible?...

Hmmm... let's start the countdown!

好心情

今天是星期六， 但我一大早就得去上课。。

上完课， 约了妈妈和阿妹去逛街。

我搭错了巴士所以意外地得知阿妹的学校其实离我的学校很近， 也多认了一些路。

虽然绕道了，我没迟到哦。。反而早到了。

没走几间店， 但却买到了一件超级划算的外套。

重点是。。妈妈也逛得开心，有战利品 :)

或许因为昨天交了又一个作业， 今天可以有一天闲着。。

所以今天很high哈哈哈。。

噢! 到二姨家吃晚餐后我也弄好了下个学期要用的一些教材。

Finally it feels like some time for myself. Just one day but i am glad :)

Still not enough time for myself to spare if......

Anyway. Today is a happy day. Not just to add to the record that I don't only have emo posts..

But today is worth recording ;)

Thank you Lord! :)

:(

https://biblia.com/bible/nlt/Ps42.1-11
^a reflection of me

discouraged, disheartened, trapped, breathless, tired.

The commentary says of v5: "Wise speaking to his own soul"
and of v11: "A return to a confident challenge of self and focus upon God"

Exactly what I am telling myself! 💪💪💪

my last as projectionist (some thoughts)

so, today marks the last time i am formally serving as projectionist in service!
after more than a decade.
wow!
what a privilege to serve in this role for so long!

i always think a lot in this service role.

so many times,
SO many times
have i thought about writing an "open letter to the worship leader"
and also to pen down my thoughts & thanksgivings as projectionist.

for now... (as i procrastinate on my work)
let me present the definition of...


projectionist

/prəˈdʒɛkʃ(ə)nɪst/

noun

1. a person who is in charge of the projection of predominantly PowerPoint slides and other media, mainly on Sunday services but sometimes on other occasions.
"Would anyone like to rise up to serve in the role of the projectionist for Youth Sunday? Honestly, it is not a simple role as perceived, but you surely have a lovely team of fellow projectionists to back you up."

2. a person who is not necessarily professionally trained but serves God in his or her capacity; sometimes assumed to be technology savvy.
"The projectionist in the Chinese service today was a little slow with the transition of slides but she served in the role despite barely knowing how to use the computer. If only the congregation knew and affirmed her in her service role!"

3. a person who seems to be easily neglected when there are last minute changes to the flow of songs.
"The projectionist was caught off guard when the response song did not turn out to be the one that the team practised during worship practice. She is sad that was not informed of the change."

4. a person who very quickly comes into the limelight whenever there is an issue but seems more rarely affirmed when things are running smoothly.
"Everyone waited in anticipation as the projectionist made multiple attempts to play the video. It would be nice if the projectionist was given more time. It would also be nice that the soundman can be informed to get ready to play the sound in advance."

5. a person who receives immediate stares when a technical fault arises.
"The projectionist could sense the pressure from the stares she was receiving but she remained composed and tried to get the PowerPoint presentation to work."

6. a person who serves in close proximity (literally) with the soundman but may be absolutely clueless about what he or she does.
"The projectionist was flustered as the soundman left his post temporarily."

7. a person who is blessed to have the soundman next to him or her for company and immediate support.
"The soundman very graciously prompted the projectionist to first go forward to receive the Holy Communion. Later, the projectionist rushed back to her seat so that she can make it in time to click on the next slide."

8. a person who is blessed with a team of fellow projectionists who fully understand the challenges of the service role and readily lends a helping hand.
"The projection screen turned purple all of a sudden but a fellow projectionist appeared almost immediately to give technical support. He even tripped over a few cables so that he could render help to the then flustered projectionist. The projectionist was extremely touched by the kind gesture and remembers it till this day."

9. a person who generally has strong telepathy with the worship leader and predicts the next slide.
"The projectionist felt like she scored a goal when she clicked on the correct slide which was out of the original flow of songs."

10. a person who has less telepathy with a worship leader who is also on an instrument.
"The projectionist is very thankful that though the worship leader is on the guitar, he makes it a point to prompt the team with the lyrics of the song."

11. a person who needs to sit in front of the computer throughout the service.
"The projectionist really needed the toilet but she had to hold in her pee."


Other definitions:
12. a person who hopes to receive a set of scores too for reference.
"The projectionist wanted to check that the lyrics of the songs were correct."

13. a person who is happy to be checked upon during worship practise.
"Is everything ok? asked the worship leader. The projectionist was touched to be checked upon."

14. a person who wishes to see the worship leader's handsigns too.
"The projectionist stood up in an attempt to see the handsign of the worship leader. However, the worship leader was quite subtle about it."

15. a person who appreciates being briefed on the additional slides to be projected.
"Assuming that there could be additional files to be projected, the projectionist searched through the Desktop and looked at the tab which reads "Date modified". The projectionist opens the file just in case they need to be flashed later on."

16. a person who accidentally overlooks the clicking of the slides.
"It was a familiar song and the projectionist missed the cue to click on the next slide. Oops! She is so sorry!"

17. a person who prefers not to multitask.
"During the worship, the projectionist was informed of the file which she had to locate for the next part of the service. It was time to click on the next slide of the song. Phew! She clicked it on time."

18. a person who is likely to love keyboard hacks and takes pride in making minor changes to improve the presentation.
"The projectionist successfully darkened the font of the sermon slides subtly. She was very happy about it."

19. a person who is sometimes briefed by the speaker on when to click the slides.
"The projectionist is very thankful for speakers who provide the projectionist with their script so that she can be clear when she should click on the next slide."

20. a person who is elated to find songs which are in PowerPoint format in the songbank.
"The projectionist typed the lyrics of the new song, alternating the English and Chinese lyrics. It was tedious but it is beneficial for the next projectionist. It is such a great idea to have the songbank. Projectionists are appreciative of the person tirelessly maintaining it."

___________________________________________________________

Hope you had fun reading as much as i had typing these.

I know..

Some things happen, inevitably.

The style of servants we work with differs too.

I also recognise that this list includes things which i still find hard to let go.

It has been a long journey.

And i am thankful for it.

I am sure the other servants will have lots to share in their other service roles too!

Let us all continue to give our best for the Lord :D

(oh man i need to get back to my work! >.<)

Two coincidental

This week..
2 assignments were due
2/5 nights of sleeping
2 evenings of classes
2 many things to do

2day is finally coming to an end.

Thank God!

Not an irony

There was a conversation today about having children.

The trainees asked the trainer: "Are you married?"

"No."

"So you're single and want to have children?"
(^actually I think there's nothing wrong with this what..)

"How can you be single and have children?"

"Become a teacher! I have a lot of children, you know."

The last answer was mine. I knew I am right. And I managed to make the person who asked the previous question "realise her mistake". Hahaha! *proud* 😎

Interesting

Today's an interesting day!

My classmate came to work at my centre. And you know what.. she's employed as vp! (She's the same age as me, I really can't help but think why have I.........)

I met a s&d tch I previously worked with!

I spoke to a tch working at our school now while waiting for the new centre to open. She shared super openly and hit the bullseye in one of the qns she asked me! "Got time to............anot?"

I met a friend for dinner and he brought his son along!

Hmm. Thoughts.

Again

Those silly thoughts are back!

I remember reading a book which made me list down what are some qualities...............

I found these qualities on someone today. It's quite amazing how (in such an encounter I have learnt that) people are truly made to live together, not alone.

You know how when you are lost for words you tend to look to someone for "the word"? Someone really relied on me for words today. It's a nice feeling and I know it's nothing to think too much into.

But it made me think of what I listed many years back. And it's interesting how it helped me understand what I was actually writing. Hahaha! I confirmed that I listed a good quality 🤣

Stronger conviction

As I go along, the more I am convinced this isn't the place I want to be. Upset. Very upset.

Maybe I've just got myself to blame for making the unwise choice of choosing this place....

Why I was down

Finally managed to attempt to "close" what happened on terrible Thursday night.

I just sent a msg to someone. Here's how it goes:

"Dear MT,

Hope you are well. A long time ago when I bumped into D in school, I asked her (before your concert ticket sales started) whether I could buy a ticket to watch L’s concert. She told me that she will have to ask C and yourself and she finally got back to me last Thursday, saying that there is no more ticket left. Knowing that I may at times lack consideration, I thought hard about the reason she gave me, and why you all turned down the idea of letting me be there.

I do not know what you think about me or on what I may have done after I left, but I would like to assure you that since that time, I have not done anything that is against you or the centre. On the contrary, as I continued to gain more early childhood experiences, I have learnt to appreciate many things I have learnt in my time with L.

On Z’s departure, I had no idea about it until Z messaged me herself one month after she left. On being invited to Y’s party, it is also not a result of any contact I kept with parents of L. Her mum messaged me only because Y kept asking her about inviting me. At that time, I was so excited to receive the last minute invitation and did not think of any possible implications of attending the party until the day itself, which I later came to realise.

More recently, I was contacted by A's mum to join the girl’s birthday party. I could not make it for the party; but even if I could, I have learnt that probably I should not go.

I am writing to you today because it has been really devastating for me to know that you all would not like me to be at the concert, but I would still like to take a chance and boldly ask, is there any possibility that I may be there to help, maybe backstage?

I do not know if you will believe me if I said this, but I have really been looking forward to your concert for the entire year. I have also been telling the people around me how it is going to be so exciting to be able to now witness the concert as an audience.

If your consideration is that I should not see any of the parents, may I just pop by for a while to see the children please? I have no idea if the children remember that I told them last year that I would come to watch them this year. Maybe they do, maybe they do not. It is really my personal wish to be able to watch the concert, if you would allow?

My intention is really to watch the children whom I have had the privilege to journey with for the many years, and the K2s graduate. If it is not too much to ask, may I be there?

Thank you for your consideration.

Regards,
Xin Pei"

So, that was part of what happened.

The other parts included being unwell, overworked, totally sad, talking to __, feeling even worst, making bad decisions, feeling really pathetic and unappreciated, feeling alone and unloved, feeling that all my hard work has been for nothing, was reminded of the extremely difficult period I went through then, and a whole package of other things altogether.

Thank you everyone, for sending all your love to me when I turned to social media to "rant". I was really really really really upset. I still feel it now, but much less intense. Thank you to all the people who shared your love with me even when we are not that close. It really means a lot to me. REALLY.

(Breathe out)
I will accept the reply to the text I sent. I will try to accept, and I will learn to accept, not having any 歪主意 to change anything.

I will learn from this episode (not ended yet but I will learn from it).

God, may the outcome You want for me come true. I will commit it into Your hands. Thank You for loving me, I know, 祢爱永不变。

Busy busy!

So many things to do!!
And so little time! :(

^ is how i went through everyday in the week that just passed..
thankfully by God's grace,
He led me through.
It was really tiring..
But it once again showed me God's amazing sustenance!

I'm also thankful for great friends and classmates in school.
So the business mods have been challenging.
And when i asked for help on googledocs,
a classmate whom i'm not met before,
responded really kindly.
Things like that always reminds me how blessed i am..
and how good God is to me.
Praise be to God!

"Sure, we could show calculations first and explain the concepts behind. Nice job! :)

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(wonderful content that follow)

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Hope these helps :)"

It was a great help!!
and thanks to my sister for helping me to sort out my confusion on the assignment too :)